blah.

I just ran/jogged/hobbled 4 miles. It felt like 10. It sucked, I'm in pain. The End.

4...finally!

Actually made it up on time this morning, then debated not running cause my legs hurt so bad from running yesterday in my old shoes, but I forced myself out the door and just...ran. I didn't THINK about it, I just blanked out my mind, listened to my ipod and ran. My husband always tells me that I over-think my runs too much. I anticipate how long it's going to take, how tired I'll feel or how hard a hill will be...and I do, I can acknowledge that. But it felt GREAT to be out there pushing my body again. I did 4.1 miles this morning and I feel fabulous! I really wasn't that tired and I probably could have tweaked out 5 today, but my calves & knee were in agony, so I didn't want to push it much farther and pay the price for the rest of the week. I'm just so happy I was able to bust out of my rut {for today!}and get past 2 miles! I have a massage later on and right now my entire household is still asleep....today is going to be an awesome day!

It's hot!!!!!

Crap...I slept through my alarm this morning! Just when I had convinced myself last night that I had to get serious again about this running stuff.....hmmmmm, I wonder what my mind is trying to tell me...??? ;) So I got an hour and 15 minute late start on my run, I couldn't find my running shoes, so I had to wear my old ones and it was so much damn hotter to run @ 6:25 than at 5:40! I decided to make today a super short run since I was heading out so late. I will make up the difference tomorrow. Hey- at least I got out there! Especially since I've been pissing & moaning, constantly whining about my lack of running, and my lack of DESIRE to run. I REALLY do want to feel like running is important to me, and I DID feel that way at one point, but I feel dread at the thought of Ragnar looming ahead. It's like a giant, dark cloud. Don't get me wrong, I really want to do it...I would regret NOT doing it and I think we are going to have an absolute blast, but I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to let my team down cause I'm the big, weak link...I'm scared I'm not going to be able to finish it....so many to name! UGH!! I need to shake this. I just wish it wasn't so hard for me....but on the other hand, I guess if it wasn't so hard, I wouldn't feel like I was accomplishing something ;) So I will continue on, one day to the next...and I will continue to do so until Ragnar. Then I will explore my options: to continue to run or not? I LOVE doing our little running events throughout the year and I DO owe Alex a race in Park City ;) Maybe once I get through the next 94 (!) days, I will KNOW I can do it and my mind will be in a better place......let me just hold on to that pipe dream for now.

99 days to go...

We are officially only 99 days away from Ragnar...and my running has not improved much. In fact, I think I may have taken a huge leap backward :/
I'm not sure what my problem has been the past couple of weeks, but I'm just not feeling it like I was. Running is so damn hard for my body that I get all discouraged and frustrated cause I want to run 10 miles, but 4 miles just about does me in. I did a 3 miler this morning for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. It was not pretty, but I did it. I am starting from the bottom of the training scale and trying to slowly work my way up again. When I ran 4.5 miles a few weeks ago, I felt awesome and energized...but when I got home from 3 miles this morning, I thought I was going to have a stroke! I was sweating like a pig, my contacts were dried to my eyeballs and my heart was racing. What the hell is wrong with me? I've had this little twinge in my knees when I'm half way into my run so now I think I need to start taking glucosamine...I'm slowly turning into my mother {my knees, my hips, etc!} LOL! *sigh* I should be grateful that I'm able to run and at least I'm getting out there...that's half the battle! Tomorrow's a new day and I will start again....

I've lost my groove

Running has lost it's thrill & excitement for me. What a bummer. All that mojo I had a couple of weeks ago has gone away someplace and I can't seem to find it. I don't wake up excited to tackle my run anymore and that freaks me the f* out! I didn't even go 2 miles today without stopping twice and decided that I didn't even want to finish the damn run and walked home......yes, WALKED. My neck was killing me and that's all I could focus on. My mental motivation is at an all time low, my physical ability to run is at an all time low, my spirit to do this is at it's lowest yet...and I can't even take a break because then it's even worse when I start up again! Yikes! I'm lost. I was up to running over 4 miles, which is GREAT for me, but I'm back at square one. Like I'm brand new to this and I'm really mad, pissed, frustrated, confused & perplexed about it. I really don't know what to do.

3 & a half months to go....

...but who's counting, right? I feel like I have been losing my motivation & determination to run this damn thing, and today's run (if you can even call it that!) showed it! I was just not feeling it mentally or physically this morning. This was probably one of my worst runs I've had since I started. I'm going too long in between days that I run and it's getting me down in the worst way. It's been so hard between working, kids home all day, dinner, cleaning, kid's activities, etc that I feel my drive is slowly going away. I cut my run short today cause I mentally beat myself up out there that I just did not enjoy it. It took me 25 minutes to run 2.15 miles and I had enough. I have to step up my game and try again tomorrow. As my friend Casey always says: sometimes you have to just keep on keeping on.

That's all I have some days....